


Assault

by SashaRickover



Category: Star Trek The Next Generation
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Turmoil, F/M, Family, Marriage, Rape, Violence, unplanned things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 20:58:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16709914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SashaRickover/pseuds/SashaRickover
Summary: Beverly is raped- they deal with the aftermath.





	1. Rape

**Author's Note:**

> Based on my own experiences as a sexual assault survivor.

JeanLuc stood on the bridge. Suddenly he heard the chirp of his communicator followed by “Help m-“ and it cut off mid transmission. He heard enough to recognize Beverly’s panicked voice. He tapped his communicator “Beverly.” He waited. No response “Beverly”. Again no response. “Computer location of Dr Crusher” 

“Doctor Crusher is in her medical office” 

“Beam directly to Dr Crusher’s medical office” when he materialized in her office he first registered her screams. The sight before him was more than he could comprehend. One of his very large ensigns had Beverly bent over her desk. Her uniform was unzipped and ripped the rest of the way, her panties were ripped off and hanging on one leg. The ensign had one hand holding her right arm twisted uncomfortably behind her back, and his other arm across her shoulders immobilizing her. She was holding onto her desk with her left hand. She was kicking and screaming but he had separated her legs and was thrusting into her from behind. When JeanLuc registered what was happening he walked up behind the ensign and disabled him with a blow to the back of his neck. “Mr Worf come to Dr Crushers office and take into custody Ensign Hayes”. He finished his orders then said “Beam two directly to Dr Crusher’s quarters”. He was holding her in his arms, and she was crying. He didn’t remember taking her into his arms, but he obviously had after he had disabled the ensign. They materialized in her quarters and she collapsed on the floor. He held her as she went down, and fell down to his knees with her. 

“My dear, what happened?!” He asked incredulous. “Well, what happened is fairly obvious, but how did this happen?” 

“I’m not sure how he did it, but somehow he disengaged security so it didn’t recognize or respond to my cries for help. After i cried out to you, he ripped off my communicator and threw it across the room. I could hear you calling to me, but I couldn’t answer.” She cried into his shoulder. 

“What can I do?” He was at a loss. Rape was not something he had dealt with - ever - from one of his officers, or against one of his officers. Actually he could not recall this type of incident being recorded on a ship since he was captain. 

“I think I would just like to take a shower.” She suddenly realized that she was still half naked. Her clothes were torn and mangled, much like her body felt. They stood up together. She stretched out her right arm and rolled her shoulder trying to relieve the pain that had settled there. 

“Yes, that sounds good” he noticed her bloody lip, her reddened cheek. “Did he strike you!?” Anger boiled up in him. 

“Yes. I fought with him, he slapped me, more than once. I scratched him, but I couldn’t fight him off. He was so big- so much bigger than me.” She began to sob. 

“Don’t cry my dear.” He walked her to the washroom, went into the shower and turned on the spray. He returned to her, and removed the remainder of her torn clothing gingerly, anger rising in him again as he imagined her fear, the violation she must feel. He noticed that she covered herself with her hands. “I wont look at you. But its not like I haven’t seen it before” he smiled up at her. 

“I’m sorry” she shook her head “it doesn’t make sense to cover myself. My head knows that you see me naked all the time. For some reason right now I feel ashamed for you to look at me.” 

He walked her into the shower, turned around and closed the door behind him. When the door closed she found a loofah, lathered it up with soap and began scrubbing herself vigorously. She scrubbed every inch of herself, washed her face, shampooed her hair. Then she stood under the hot spray, made the water hotter than it had been. It flowed down her, and burned her skin. She didn’t care. 

Meanwhile JeanLuc found himself looking through her drawer of intimates, trying to find something for her to wear. She certainly had a lot of panties, all colors, all types. He looked through the lacy thongs, the white cotton panties, bikinis, boy shorts, briefs. Which one of these did she find most comfortable, he wondered. He found a pair of pink cotton bikinis. They seemed comfortable, but were still sexy. He picked them up, went to the next drawer and found a multitude of nightwear. Like her underwear drawer, it was filled with variety - silky, lacy, cotton, flannel. He opted for a light blush cotton nightgown, thin straps, but modest, about mid thigh length. Given the situation, perhaps modest was best. 

He returned to the shower, and could see through the frosted glass that she was leaning against the wall. He opened the door, and was frightened by what he saw. Her whole body was red. He could tell she had scrubbed herself raw, in some places, she had actually scrubbed herself bloody. He turned off the shower spray and wrapped her in a towel, then wrapped his arms around her. “Come, my love”. He brought her into the washroom area and dried her carefully. She let him dry her, then dress her. She lifted her legs mechanically one at a time as he put her panties on. Then she lifted her arms as he slid the nightgown onto her. This was usually done in reverse. She leaned against him. He picked her up and carried her into her bedroom. He laid her on her bed and covered her with her nana’s quilt. 

He turned to leave her when she finally spoke “Please JeanLuc.” She begged him softly “Please don’t leave me. Can you stay here and hold me?” She held out her hand to him. 

“Of course I will stay - as long as you like” he slid off his trousers and his vest, leaving just his briefs and his undershirt. He slid into bed next to her. “I had really planned on caning a certain Ensign”. 

“You know corporal punishment is not allowed in Starfleet.” She reached back for his arms and drew them around her. She leaned her back against his stomach “Hold me tighter.” He tightened his grip on her until he feared she wouldn’t be able to breathe. “Mmmnn” she sighed as she relaxed into his arms. He could feel her softly crying, feel her body hitching with the tears. Within a few minutes she had quieted, and her breaths had lengthened and deepened. She had succumbed to sleep. He relaxed his grip on her, kissed her temple. Her hair wet his undershirt. But he didn’t care. He spent the night torn between love for her and rage that this could happen to her on his ship.... in her very own office! 

********  
In the morning he woke early. There were hours before his shift began. He made his way to the secure cell where Ensign Hayes was being held. When he arrived at the cell, he found Will Riker standing above a very bloodied Ensign. 

“How dare you touch her!” He was yelling, kicking the man who laid on the floor, unable to move. Clearly Will had begun on him long ago. “Don’t you EVER think you can lay a hand on her again! I swear I will kill you with my own bare hands if you so much as look at her again.” 

“Will” the captain said forcefully. Will looked up surprised. He hadn’t heard the captain come in. 

Will pressed in the code and came out of the cell, the plasma screen closing around him as he left. “Captain.” He looked at his shoes. “I’m sorry you saw that. But... well, Worf told me about what happened.” He looked up at the captain, fury in his eyes “If what Worf described to me is what really happened, I am just glad i didn’t see it with my own eyes”. 

“Perhaps you should steer clear of Beverly for a few days then” - the captain joked, not jokingly. “She has quite a bruise on her cheek this morning, and some cuts on her face where his ring must have hit when he slapped her.” The captain could see the color rising in Will’s cheeks. He recognized the rage building in Will as the same rage that built in him last night. 

“Beverly is like my sister.” Will spoke softly. “Am I not duty bound to protect her honor!?” He thought for a few seconds then said “More importantly, we have to determine how he was able to get to her and hurt her without anyone being alerted”

“Come with me. Lets discuss this in security”. They walked together along the hall. Picard started “As I understand, she was finishing up her shift. The nurses had all left already when Ensign Hayes came in. Beverly said that he had somehow disengaged the security so that it didn’t respond to her cries, or screams.” Picard stopped and buried his head in his hands for a moment. “If you had heard her screaming.... it was awful.” 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better at all she apparently put up a pretty good fight.” Will smiled thinking of Beverly fighting this bully. “He was pretty scratched up before I even got to him”. They continued walking. “I’m actually pretty surprised that he could overpower her. She’s very feisty. She’s a fighter, I have seen her take out men before.”

“Yes, I know.” Picard nodded in agreement. “He must have gotten the jump on her, taken her by surprise. But he does easily outweigh her by about 50 kilos.” 

“How is she this morning?” Will inquired concerned. 

“Well, I left her sleeping.” He smiled “I intended to come down to the cell and teach this bastard a lesson. But it looks like my Number One beat me to it.” 

They entered the security office doors “Mr Worf.” 

Worf stood at attention “Captain.” 

“Please explain to me” the captain calmly started “how in the hell this could happen to my CMO, on the finest ship in the Starfleet”.

“Captain” Worf answered formally “We have begun an investigation into the Ensign’s activities all day yesterday, and are trying to determine how he was able to disable the security in Dr Crusher’s office. I will report to you as soon as I know something more.”

The Captain shook his head “This is completely unacceptable!” He was furious. “How am I supposed to go to Dr Crusher and ask her to return to work in a position and office that is not secure!? She is a doctor, not a soldier. She should be able to feel safe at work”

“With all due respect Sir, she is a doctor and an officer.” Worf spoke carefully. When Captain Picard was angry, he was not to be trifled with. “Her position does sometimes put her in danger”

“Mr Worf.” The captain was infuriated. “If we are in a skirmish, or have an intruder on our ship, or are on an away mission, then yes, she can protect herself. However, in space, flying with no interruptions, and in her own office, she should not have to be on alert for attacks from Ensigns under her command!” 

“Captain,” Will intervened “I’m sure Worf doesn’t disagree with you. I think he is mostly expressing surprise that Dr Crusher, who is a commander and a soldier and a fighter, was unable to fight someone. She has taken us both down at one time or another.” Will tried to lighten the mood. 

“Yes, Number One. You are right” he turned to Worf “I’m sorry. I’m just irritated and taken aback that this could happen on my ship. And perhaps I’m too close to this issue to be neutral”

“I understand Captain” Worf said quickly. “We are working as hard as we can to determine how this happened, and to prevent anything like this from ever happening again.” He quickly added “If you wish we can add a security detail to Dr Crusher’s office”. 

“No. No.” The captain shook his head. He imagined Beverly’s reaction if he actually assigned a security detail to her. She would be furious. She is so independent and has always prided herself on being self sufficient and able to defend herself. “I should return to quarters”

“Captain, will you be reporting to the bridge today?” Riker asked quickly. 

“No, Number One. I think I will be occupied today. I will have to get a full report from Dr Crusher and write up the report for the ship.” Picard headed back to Beverly’s quarters, and his Number One departed for the bridge.

********

When he returned to her quarters he found Beverly was no longer in the bed. He found her in the shower again. “Beverly?” He walked into the washroom and could see her silhouette through the frosted glass. “Are you okay in there?” 

“Yes, I’m okay.” She sniffed. He could hear her grunting with effort. 

“What are you doing??” He opened the shower door slowly “May I come in?” He could see that she was scrubbing herself with the loofah again. She scrubbed herself mercilessly, her skin reddening under the constant friction.

He quickly removed his clothing and joined her in the shower. “Please.” He implored her “Don’t be so rough with yourself”. He took the loofah from her, and she let him hold her as she stood in the shower and cried. “You are already clean. I saw you scrub yourself bloody last night.” 

“I feel dirty.” She said with tears flowing freely. “I don’t feel like any amount of scrubbing will ever make me clean again.” He ran his hands down her back, trying to comfort her. 

“What can I do to help you?” JeanLuc asked, feeling helpless. 

“Just what you are doing.” She said honestly. “Just be here with me, and let me cry - don’t be afraid of my tears, or my inevitable anger when it comes”

He took the washcloth, and lathered it up well. “Shall I wash you my dear?” He said softly. “You are much too rough on yourself.” She nodded and stood still, letting him wash all over her. He quickly discarded the rag, which was chafing her skin that already felt raw. He used his hands to wash her carefully. He rinsed her body. Then he shampooed her hair and conditioned it. He loved washing her. He loved shampooing her hair. Any excuse to touch her was really what he lived for. He dried himself as she rinsed herself off in the hot spray. Then he walked into the shower, wrapped in his towel and wrapped her in a towel. He softly dabbed her skin, drying her without chafing her. He wrapped a towel around her hair. He didn’t try to kiss her, or touch her in any way sexually. He continued to dry her - dried each leg, dried all over. Then he retrieved the clothes she had left out. He noticed that what she chose was very similar to what he had chosen last night for her. At least his choice in clothing was appropriate. He was at such a loss-he didn’t know how to deal with a Beverly that was lost like this. He brought her to the couch, carried her clothes, and retrieved a few bottles that he had found in her plethora of beauty products. He removed her towel, and went about applying ointment to the places that had been chafed, and had begun bleeding. 

“You don't have to do this” She interceded. “I will be fine.” She took his hand to stop his from applying the lotion. 

“Stop it!’ He snapped at her and slapped at her hand, and tried to continue what he had started.

He felt rather than saw her stop breathing. He stopped immediately and looked up at her face. She looked terrified. She drew her knees up to her chest and tried to cover herself. She laid her head on her knees and burst into tears. 

“Counselor Troi, please report to Dr Crusher’s quarters” Picard spoke quickly. He brought her clothes to her.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He said as he helped her into her panties. She stood up so he could slip them on. 

“No its not your fault.” She dried her eyes as he slipped her nightgown over her head. “I’m sorry. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. You slapped my hand away. You have done that a million times when I’m irritating you. I know that you were just being playful.” She looked down at the floor. “I don’t seem to be quite in control of my emotions. I know with my mind that you would never hurt me. But my physical reactions don’t match what I know in my mind.”

“Yes” he smiled at her, and kissed her chastely on her cheek. “That’s why I think you should talk to Deanna.” He kissed her hand as the door chimed and she beckoned Deanna to come in. 

“I will need to get a full report from you when you are feeling better.” He said apologetically. Then “If it makes you feel any better, Ensign Hayes is lying down in his cell right now in a bloody mess. Will apparently got to him before I could.” He smiled up at Deanna... 

Deanna looked at his naughty smile and said “What has gotten into everyone on this ship today!?” She could feel the jumble of emotions from the captain, and from Will when they were on the bridge earlier. She certainly could feel that Beverly was overwhelmed with many emotions, but she hadn’t yet been told of the events of the evening before. She hadn’t really talked to anyone this morning. 

“I am going to leave you two for a bit.” Captain went into Beverly’s washroom to retrieve his clothes. Before he left he said “Counselor Troi, please alert me when you leave, so that Beverly will not be left alone. I will come back before you leave if you will let me know”

“Yes, of course” she said, not necessarily understanding why, but feeling the underlying protectiveness that the captain exuded. 

**********  
The captain went to his ready room while Beverly counseled with her friend. He looked up the incident report he would need to fill out. Certainly he had never had to fill one of these out before. Would Beverly even allow it? She probably wouldn’t want all of Starfleet to know that she had been raped in her office. What even was the penalty in Starfleet for this offense? He sat down at the computer and tried to look up this information. Certainly he wanted to kill Ensign Hayes with his own hands. He was also pretty sure he could call on Will Riker to do this for him. But he was pretty sure that death penalty was not the penalty for this. Surely he would be court martialed, and would face jail time. No punishment would suffice for what this man had done. JeanLuc had a new understanding of rape. After seeing Beverly, his sweet Beverly, held down and forced upon by this pig, he couldn’t imagine what penalty would be severe enough. 

“Captain” It was Riker. 

“Sorry Number One. I didn’t hear you come in.”..

“Yes. You seem pretty preoccupied. Is Beverly alright?” He inquired in earnest. He did love Beverly. 

“Oh. yes. I left her with Counselor Troi. She needed to talk to someone.” He waved for Will to sit. “Deanna is going to alert me before she leaves. I don’t think its wise for Beverly to be alone right now. I have never seen her so shaken.” 

“That sounds about right,” Will looked down at his hands in his lap. “I’m afraid to see her now,” he said honestly. “After what you told me, I don’t know if I will be able to contain my anger.”

“I promise you” Picard began “When you see her face, you will want to kill someone because of the bruising and the cuts. But when you take in the expression of fear that sits on her features now, you will just want to put your arms around her and protect her,” A tear dripped slowly down his cheek. “She is not herself.” He rested one elbow on his desk, and his head in that hand. His tears flowed slowly. “I have never seen her so haunted.” 

“Troi to Captain Picard” the alert interrupted his thoughts. “I am ready to leave Dr Crusher. Are you coming back.” 

“Yes, Counselor. Please don’t leave until I get there” the Captain answered. Will stood with him. 

“May I accompany you, Captain” Will asked as he stood. 

“Yes, of course, Number One” he said evenly. 

Will said “Somehow, I don’t really like the idea of Deanna walking alone down these halls now” his protective side was showing. 

They walked in silence down the hall to Dr Crusher’s quarters. When Will walked into the quarters, he saw Beverly sitting on the couch, covered with an old quilt. Her sweet blue eyes were empty. There was always a twinkle in those eyes. Usually she had said something naughty, or smart aleck, and her eyes sparkled with wit or laughter. Today they were empty, no emotion showed in them. Picard was right. Haunted was the best description he could come up with. He realized suddenly that Beverly had spoken to him, and he hadn’t spoken at all. “I’m sorry. Hi Beverly.” He walked over to where she was sitting an leaned over to hug her. She reached up and allowed him to hug her. He came down to his knees next to her. 

“Say the word and I will go down to his cell and finish this bastard off”. Beverly smiled. 

“I never knew the men close to me were so capable of violence on my behalf” 

“Ahem”, Deanna interjected 

“Sorry. Yes Deanna has also offered to kill him with her bare hands” she tried to laugh. “I feel like such a fool.” She buried her head in her hands and cried. “I’m a commander. This was a man under my command! I should be able to defend myself. I shouldn’t need my friends to offer to take care of this for me. I should be able to take care of it. What did I do that allowed this to happen to me?”

“This was not your fault. You did nothing wrong” Picard spoke up. “You have no reason to feel foolish or wrong. A sick individual decided to hurt you. It had nothing to do with anything you did or said.”

Deanna stood by her friend, with her hand on her shoulder. Will stood up, completely uncomfortable and unsure what to do with himself. He couldn’t remember ever seeing Beverly cry like this. JeanLuc stood at the table, arms crossed, suppressing a scowl. 

Deanna and Will excused themselves, needed at their positions on the bridge. JeanLuc took his place beside Beverly on the couch. He put his arm around her, resting his hand on her shoulder, she flinched involuntarily. “Dear?” He inquired. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”

“No. No. Don’t let me deter you. Just be normal.” She had determined during her talk with Deanna to not let this cause her to build up walls. Deanna said its a natural response to not want to be touched, to feel overly zealous in her self protection. Her natural instinct is to put up a wall, but to build a wall between herself and JeanLuc was just not acceptable. They had been through so much together and waited so many years to be together. She wasn’t going to let a bully take that all away from her. “If I flinch or draw away or anything unusual like that, just don’t let me throw you off.” She smiled at him, her sweet, only for him smile. 

He was heartened by the fact that she still had her smile for him. The love is still there, behind the trauma. He determined to be more careful in his reactions with her. “Come my love.” He stood up and reached for her hand. “Perhaps you need some sleep. Unless you are hungry. Did you eat?” He inquired. 

“Yes, I had tea with Deanna”. 

“Excellent.” He drew her up next to him, kissed her forehead. “Come, lets get you into bed” she withdrew as he walked towards the bedroom. When he got to the bedroom door she was still standing several steps away. 

“I.” She stammered “I. Um. JeanLuc .... I. I can’t”. 

“Relax.” He reached out to her. “Come to me.” She took his hand, and he drew her to him into a hug. “I’m not going to do anything to you.” He smiled down at her. “I just want you to get some rest”

“Oh.” She reddened “I’m sorry. I guess I just wasn’t sure what your intentions were”. 

“My intentions are to do whatever you need from me. I will fetch and carry for you. I will read to you. I will feed you. I will wash you. I will dress you. And when you are ready, I will make love to you again. But not until you are ready. I can see that you are traumatized. I wouldn’t do anything to make that worse.” They reached the bed and he pulled back the covers for her. She laid in the bed and he covered her up, fluffed her pillows, tucked her in. He went around to the other side and laid in the bed next to her. He got close enough that he was nearly touching her, he could feel her heat radiating from her body, but not quite touching. He determined to go 90% and let her come the rest of the way when she was ready. 

She snuggled close to him, resting her head on his chest. She wrapped her arm around him and rested. She was comfortable, he could hear her even breathing and recognized her relaxing. So he could hold her, kiss her forehead. That was enough for him - a start down the road back to their normal life. He had read that healing this type of trauma could take a while, and demanded understanding. He would understand. He would wait. The one thing he wouldn’t do is lose her.


	2. Aftermath

“Deanna I’m concerned”. The captain was sitting in the counselors office hands together in his lap. “It’s been weeks and she still doesn’t seem to be recovering. I find her at least twice a day in the shower scrubbing herself raw to ‘get clean’ as she calls it. But she scrubs her self bloody. I find myself daily applying ointment to these bloody spots on her. She goes to work. she performs her duties with no problems, but when she comes in after work I see the anxiety resettle on her. She never comes to my quarters anymore. I am in her quarters every evening and I am beginning to wonder if she doesn’t want me around”

“And sexually?” Deanna pried “Have you been together since the assault?”

“No I don’t want to press her into something she’s not ready for. I’ve been waiting for her to make the first move.”

“Captain, it’s been weeks since she was assaulted. Physically she is healed from this assault and there’s no reason that sexual activities should be prohibited at this point. But she may be waiting for you to make the advances.”

The captain looked surprised. “But shouldn’t I allow her to heal at her own pace? And come to me when she’s ready?”

“It’s very likely if you wait for her that she will never come to you in that way again. It’s not unusual for trauma survivors to feel a certain sense of unworthiness. You say that she feels dirty and feels the need to be cleaned twice a day. Perhaps she also feels that she is somehow tainted in your eyes and maybe not good enough for you anymore”

“That’s ludicrous!” He exclaimed. “How can she imagine that I would love her any less?” 

“Perhaps you should talk to her about this. You say that you see her naked in the shower twice a day.”

“Yes. I help her wash herself, get dressed, I hold her at night” 

“But sexually you have not made any advances?” Deanna was shocked. 

“Other than a chaste goodnight kiss. No. I don't want to be like an animal. I thought the best thing to do was let her come to me”

“I imagine she feels like if you wanted her at all, you would have made some sort of advance by now. You clearly have all the opportunities to do so.” 

Hm. Perhaps Deanna was right. “Thanks counselor” he said curtly, as he stood “I will take that under advisement.”

Picard strode determinedly to Beverly’s quarters. When he walked through her door she was sitting on her couch, drinking a cup of tea. “Good evening my dear” he walked over to her and brushed a kiss across her forehead. “How are you feeling today?” 

“Oh. I’m okay” she said quietly. She was pensive this evening. JeanLuc often wished their brains were still attached so he could know what was going on inside that mind of hers. He sat down beside her and drew her into his embrace. She laid her head on his shoulder and allowed him to brush his hands up and down her arm. 

He picked her up and brought her onto his lap. He kissed her softly. When she didn’t resist him, he deepened the kiss and moved her around so that she was straddling him instead. “O Beverly.” He sighed deeply “Will you never make love to me again?” He kissed her jawline and down her neck. He noticed her breathing quickened. He looked up into her eyes and she was crying. “I’m sorry.” He stopped kissing her and looked down. “I swore to myself I would wait until you were ready”

“JeanLuc.” She lifted his chin up until she was looking into his eyes. “How can you still want me?” Tears streamed down her cheeks unchecked. “I thought you didn’t want me. I thought you would never want me again.” 

He held her tightly and spoke softly “How could you ever think that?” He paused to kiss her earlobe. “I want you so much.” 

“How is that possible after you saw me like that?” She was sobbing, her body shaking “so broken, so compromised, so debased”

“Is that how you think I saw you?” His tears began to flow. “No my dear. I never saw you like that. I saw you taken advantage of, abused, and unprotected. I will never forgive myself for letting that happen to you on my ship.”

She kissed him softly. He stood up, picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. “May I?” He asked softly, nodding towards the bed. 

She removed her gown, and stepped out of her panties. He could see the red bloody spots all over her. He also noticed how much her ribs protruded, and her pelvic bones. He couldn’t be distracted though. His erection was raging. Knowing she wanted him was all the motivation he needed. He removed his clothing quickly and drew her to him “Oh, my darling” he breathed the words into her fiery copper hair. He walked her to the bed and they fell into it, a jumble of arms and legs, and passionate words. Tongues touching, whispering into each other’s mouths, he separated her legs with his hands - she opened herself to him. 

His hand came down to rest on the copper curls between her legs. “Cherie. It has been too long” he moved his mouth down to her quivering belly, and down further to those curls. He couldn’t resist her. The smell of her was so sweet. He kissed her, then trailed his tongue up and down her hot, wet center. Her hips rose to meet his mouth, moaning in response to his touch. 

“JeanLuc, I wont last” she beckoned him back up to her. “Kiss me” he kissed her, long and passionately. He knew her secret though. As long as he would refrain from kissing her, she would wait for him. He drew his head down to her breasts, her nipples were stiffened, waiting for his touch. He dropped his mouth down on one breast, suckling - his hot tongue on her ice cold skin was a sensation she had missed. She thrilled to his touch. He ran his hands all up and down her body while he maintained contact with her breast. She was writhing under him, begging him to give her release. 

When he felt that he had teased her long enough, and she moaned as if she would explode under his touch, his mouth found hers again. He plunged into her, her breath catching as she accepted him in. He quickly found his rhythm, she bucked against him as he thrust into her again and again. She held her mouth open, her tongue touching her top lip, trembling as though she would come immediately. But he knew her. She would wait. He knew he was close. He had missed this feeling of oneness with her. Never had he felt so right as he did when he was inside her. He kissed her, softly taking her bottom lip into his mouth, probing her mouth with his tongue, finding hers waiting for him. As their tongues touched, she cried out - he knew she was finding her release - she tightened around him, he felt himself shiver, his guttural cry of release joined her high keening moan. They lay there trembling. JeanLuc remained inside her. Her climax rippled through her like waves. He held her until she released him. Only then did he allow himself to disengage. He kept his arms around her, felt her weight shift on the bed. She was still wrapped around him. Did she only have four limbs? It felt like an octopus had him in her grip. Her arms and legs were wrapped around him, and she made no move to disentangle herself. 

“Oh, JeanLuc.” She cried into his chest as he turned to face her “I feared you would never do that to me again.” 

“I would sooner die” he replied honestly. ‘My dear you have not changed in my eyes. You are just as beautiful as ever.” He absently ran his hand over her waist, and down her protruding pelvic bones. “But, honestly, have you been eating?” 

“I can’t seem to make myself eat.” 

“I know a special recipe that might make you hungry.” He smiled knowingly. “You stay here”. 

He went into her washroom and ran a tub full of hot water, filled it with rose petals he acquired from the replicator, and bubble bath. He lit a few candles around the tub, and dimmed the lights to 5%. He retrieved a glass of wine from the replicator and sat it on the side of the tub. 

When all was prepared he brought her into the washroom. He pulled her hair up into a ponytail, removed her clothes and helped her into the tub. She winced as the hot water washed over the chafed areas. “Relax my dear, have a glass of wine. I shall be back before too long.”

When she had laid back in the tub he left the room. He hurried to his quarters, and dug around in his freezer until he found what he had been looking for. A while back when he had visited Caldos, Nana Howard had given JeanLuc her recipe for vegetable soup. It was Beverly’s favorite dish and he wanted to be able to prepare it for her some day for a special occasion. He had prepared some and frozen it a few weeks ago. He hoped it was still good. He heated it up quickly in a pot and tasted it. It was delicious as ever. He carried the pot, along with one of his best vintage wines from LaBarre and returned quickly to Beverly’s quarters. She was still relaxing in the tub when he arrived back into her quarters. 

“Well that was quick” she said sassily through the door. “I doubt you could have cooked up anything delicious in that short time.” 

He ducked his head into the washroom - “Do you still doubt me? After all of these years? You know I have my ways to your heart.”

She smiled and lay back again in the relaxing water. “I don’t want to get out.” She said dreamily. “It’s so nice in here.” 

He put the pot on the kitchen stove and returned to the washroom. “Shall I bathe you?” She nodded sleepily. He found a bottle of moisturizing body wash, and lathered up his hands. He sat on the side of the tub and lifted one leg out. He rubbed his hand up and down her leg, massaging as he washed. Then he repeated this with the other. Beverly moaned and sighed softly, enjoying his touch. Then he sat her up and washed her back, massaging slowly, then rinsing her with a soft cloth. He laid her back down and lathered up his hands again. Then he washed her breasts and her stomach, between her legs and up her backside. When he was sure all of her was thoroughly massaged, cleaned and rinsed, he stood and retrieved a soft towel. She stood up, reluctantly. “That was lovely.” She kissed him softly. And allowed him to wrap her up in the towel. He hugged her and at the same time patted her dry. Then he removed the towel and dried the rest of her, patting, not rubbing, since some parts of her were still quite chafed. He found the ointment, and began covering the most raw spots. She had learned by now not to fight this. Then he took lotion and covered her from head to toe. She had come to love this ritual in the past few weeks. She hoped this meant he would continue it.

When he was done, he retrieved the gown he had placed on her dressing table. She held around his neck as he slipped her panties over one foot, then the other, and drew them up around her waist. Then she lifted her arms as he dropped the nightgown over her head. Then, as he did every night, he kissed her sweetly, and sat her at her dressing table, so he could brush her hair. He brushed slowly, careful to never pull. He expertly sectioned her hair and brushed in sections. She often wondered how he had come to learn this skill, but never asked. After he had brushed thoroughly, he braided it, as he often did. She hated for this part to end. She loved these ministrations. 

“Will you promise to never stop doing this?” 

“What your hair?” He asked quizzically, smiling. 

“No. All of it. Bathing me, drying me, putting on lotion, brushing my hair”. She reddened. “Its a ritual i have come to love”.

“Then i will never stop” - he kissed her crown and took her hand to raise her up. “You are so beautiful.” 

She followed him to the dining area where he had set the table. “I shall return momentarily” he said with a flourish as he disappeared into the kitchen and returned with two bowls. 

When she smelled and saw Nana Howard’s soup, she began to weep. “How on earth did you manage this!?” She leaned over her bowl and smelled deeply, letting the smell of nana’s house overtake her. The tears streamed down her face. 

JeanLuc smiled. He understood these were not tears of sadness, but tears of thankfulness. She stood up quickly and ran to him, wrapped her arms around him tightly and whispered “Thank you, my love.” 

She held him tightly until he finally said “Come Beverly, let’s eat before it gets cold” 

She sat and ate with delight. She even ate a second bowl when JeanLuc offered it to her. “I’m glad to see you eating. You seem to have lost weight over the last few weeks.” 

“Yes. It’s been quite an ordeal. I tried to hide from you that i wasn’t eating. I didn’t really want you chiding me for that.” 

“Are you full now?” 

“Yes. Very. I don't think I could eat another bite.” 

“Good. Then come to bed with me my love. I promise I won’t molest you.” He smirked. 

 

*******

Beverly was in the shower, washing off a long hard day of work. She heard her door open, and said through the washroom door “I’m in the shower”. She heard the door swish open and assumed it was JeanLuc. Who else would be coming in at this hour, and be able to admit himself without her approval. The door to the shower opened and she looked over naughtily to greet JeanLuc. But it wasn’t JeanLuc. It was Ensign Hayes. 

She covered herself immediately. “How on earth did you get in here?! SECURITY!!” 

An evil grin grew on his face “Yell all you want little lady, there is no one to save you this time” He grabbed her by the arms and pushed her against the shower wall. 

She screamed, fighting, kicking...

“Beverly! Beverly!” It was JeanLuc “Wake up! Stop kicking me!” She was still screaming, crying, kicking when she realized that she was safe. 

“Worf to Dr Crusher” the communicator chirped from her bedside table. “Are you alright in there? It seems security has registered a disturbance.” 

Beverly was sobbing in JeanLuc’s arms. “Yes Mister Worf” JeanLuc answered. “She is okay. Just a nightmare”

“Yes sir. But Dr Crusher. As a matter of protocol, I must hear it from you. Are you safe?”

“Yes Commander Worf. I am safe. Thank you” she managed to stop sobbing long enough to reassure the commander. 

JeanLuc laid back down in the bed, drawing Beverly down with him. “You want to talk about it?” 

“JeanLuc” she began carefully, not sure she wanted the answer “Where is Ensign Hayes?” 

“Did you dream about him?”

“Don't deflect. Tell me where he is.” She said matter of factly. 

“Well, he is down in a holding cell, awaiting his court martial. You don't have to be afraid of him anymore Beverly. He can’t hurt you. He has an armed guard watching him at all times. And every time Will Riker remembers what happened, he goes down there and beats him mercilessly. I’m thinking Ensign Hayes will be lucky to survive until we return to Starbase. Now. Tell me about your dream” 

“I really don't want to talk about it, but ...” she settled in his arms and began “I was in the shower after a hard days work. The door opened, I thought surely it was you coming in... but it was Hayes. He came into the shower and smiled his evil grin - told me there was no one to save me this time - grabbed my hands - pushed me against the wall. I was kicking and screaming. Apparently that is what woke you up”

“Yes. Quite”

“The next thing I knew you were holding me, telling me to wake up.”

“Those screams.” He said sighing “Your screams are the stuff of my nightmares. I will never forget the sound of your screaming when i materialized in your office. Tonight your screams sounded just the same.” 

“Abject terror and helplessness that’s what those screams feel like.”

“You are safe now.” He tightened his grip around her. “You are safe, and no one will hurt you again.” She snuggled down into the crook of his arm and tried to find rest. Every time she closed her eyes she could see that evil grin on Ensign Hayes’ face. She couldn’t sleep. She tossed. She turned over with her back facing JeanLuc. He turned with her. She knew she was keeping him awake. 

“JeanLuc” she sat up. 

“Hmm?” He asked sleepily. 

“I want to see him.” 

JeanLuc was immediately awake “Absolutely not! I am not even discussing this. That is not an option.”

“Would you at least hear me out?” She sighed.

“I will listen to what you have to say, but I do not think you will persuade me” he said matter of factly. Now he was also sitting up. 

“I didn’t know Ensign Hayes that well. He was a new recruit on the ship if I’m not mistaken”

“Yes,” he answered “Only about six months onboard”

“So, now in my mind, because of this event, he has been blown up to be some sort of monster. Perhaps if i saw him, as he is, when he is no threat to me, I would be able to get past this fear. In my dreams he is so big and menacing.” 

“Have you dreamed of him before”

“Yes. Many times. Apparently none this fierce before, because I never woke up screaming” she bit her lip. “I just think that if i saw him again, and took stock of him as he really is, i wouldn’t be as afraid”

“Perhaps you have a point.” 

“Can we go now? I don't think i can sleep a wink now until i can get him out of my head.”

“Would you like for me to try to get him out of your head? I can take your mind off him really quickly” he smiled his naughtiest smile. 

“No.” She shook her head “i’m serious about this.” 

“Okay then”. He gave in “Lets get dressed.” They dressed in casual clothes. Beverly wore navy slacks and a loose sweater. JeanLuc wore gray slacks, with a navy top. They walked down to the secure cell hand in hand. 

The ensign on duty was surprised to see the pair at this time of the night. He arose immediately and saluted “Captain. Dr Crusher.” 

“Ensign” they said in unity. 

“What can I do for you Captain?” 

“We would like to see your prisoner, Ensign.” 

“Yes sir.” He lead them down a hall to where the prisoner was lying on a cot in a secure room.  
“Ensign, ATTENTION” the ensign woke up immediately, and stood, saluting the captain. When he saw Dr Crusher he blanched, looked at his feet. 

“Well, do you have anything to say for yourself pending your inevitable court martial” the captain asked. 

“No sir, captain”. 

“Look at me” Beverly demanded. He looked up at her - no remorse. “Why me?” She asked matter of factly. 

“What kind of question is that!? Have you seen you!? You are the hottest thing I have ever seen. All of the men on this ship want to bang you, and I would venture to say half the women!”

“Why you....” the captain headed for the security panel and began typing in the code to open the plasma door. 

“No.” Beverly stopped his hand. 

“How dare you speak to your superior officer like that!” The captain roared. “She is not ‘the hottest thing’ on this ship! She is not a thing! She is an officer, and a doctor, and deserving of your respect”

“Easy for you to say. I know you’ve been banging her for years.”

JeanLuc’s blood boiled. He clenched his fists at his side trying to keep his composure. 

Beverly realized for the first time how young Hayes was. Couldn’t have been over 25. That cocky, lack of respect - it could only be found in an officer so young. 

“Come.” Beverly took his hand. “I’ve seen enough”. 

As they left the secure area, they saw Will Riker headed that way. “Oh no, Will.” Beverly said quickly turning him around “That’s enough of that. I hear that you have been giving that one in there regular beatings. You are going to end up in trouble if that continues.” She took his hand in hers and looked him directly in the eye “No more. Promise me.” 

He sighed heavily. “He deserves a lot worse.” Wills anger rose in him.

“Oh, you have no idea.” Picard quipped “you should hear what he just said to Beverly- right to her face!” 

“JeanLuc, honestly, don't get him any more riled.” Beverly pleaded. 

“What did he say” Will demanded. JeanLuc relayed the conversation. “That pig” was all Will had to say. He turned around and stalked off the other direction, after giving Beverly a swift kiss on the cheek.


	3. Shame

“I don’t want anyone to know” Beverly said vehemently. “Its bad enough that you, Will, Worf and Deanna know. Why does anyone else need to know?” 

JeanLuc sat behind his ready room desk. Beverly sat on her regular perch on his desk. He took her hand in his. “I have to fill out this report. Its been weeks. I should have filled it out the very same day. I will likely get reprimanded for not filling it out sooner” JeanLuc tried to reason with her. 

“Can’t you just court-martial him for insubordination?” She pleaded. 

“That is a reprimand offense, not a court-martial offense” he said matter of factly. “For this crime there will be a full court-martial panel convened.”

“Do you mean that I will have to testify!?” She was horrified. “You saw it yourself. Can’t you just write your report of what you saw and turn that in?”

“That is not how the military court system works. You know that.”

She lowered her head, done fighting, and began to cry. “I don’t want to relive this again... especially not in front of all of my superiors and peers. You can’t imagine how humiliating this is”

He took her into his arms, and sat her on his lap. “Doll, I would do anything to spare you this pain. I would testify for you if I could. But you know it has to be this way.” She leaned into him, drew her legs up into his lap. He was always amazed how she could curl up in his lap like a cat. He loved holding her like this. He kissed her temple and softly spoke “O my dear. What would you have me do? I have to get that man off this ship before Will kills him. And if I simply reassign him to another ship he may do this to someone else. We need to protect other women from him. He is a predator.” She nodded in agreement. 

“I know.” she understood what must be done, but the idea of testifying terrified her. But, she had to do what needed to be done. “Very well. Write your report” she said as she stood. “I have to report back to sick bay.” 

“Are you okay? Are you going to be okay to work today?” 

“Yes.You know I can compartmentalize.” If nothing else, she could keep her mind on her work, regardless of what else may be going on. She was only driven to distraction when JeanLuc was sick. That was the one thing she couldn’t keep her mind off of. Today JeanLuc was fine. She was the one who was aching - though not visibly. She was hurting inside, her insides were quivering. “Beverly, calm yourself” she said inwardly. “Get through this day and then you can have a glass of wine and relax”

She walked slowly to sickbay, psyching herself up by listing all of the things she had to do today. But for some reason all she could think of was having to testify. She started walking through the events as they happened that day - trying to recall what she was doing directly before Hayes came into her office. It was no use. All she could remember was him ripping her uniform off. What an animal. It was one thing for JeanLuc to rip off her panties in the throes of passion. She was completely okay with that - consensual rough sex was different than being brutalized by a man you don’t even know. 

She shook her head, tried to shake out the mental picture she had conjured. She turned back around to return to JeanLuc’s ready room. He was surprised to see her walk through the door - tears again brimming over. He stood and walked quickly to her. He took her into his arms and held her. “O My angel.” He rained kisses down on her brows, her eyelashes, her cheeks, her nose, her lips. “I’m so sorry. What can I do?” 

“Nothing. There is nothing to be done. I just have to deal with this.” He moved to the ready room couch and sat with her. She laid her head down in his lap and cried softly, her breath hitching. 

“Picard to sickbay” he tapped his communicator. 

“Yes Captain”

“Dr Crusher will not be reporting to work today” he said matter of factly “Picard out”. He gently stood and lifted her to a standing position. “Come, my dear. Let’s not work today - or talk about this anymore. Maybe we could go for an outing on the holodeck.” 

She smiled up at him and nodded. “Yes that would be lovely.”

They walked hand in hand to the holodeck. “Computer run program JLP12.”

“Program activated” the computer chirped as the door slid open. 

When they walked through the holodeck doors they emerged on a white sandy beach. The sand stretched for miles in either direction. The water splashing onto the shore was a clear turquoise the likes of which Beverly had never seen. It was warm, and humid and Beverly could practically taste the salt spray. They disrobed to their underwear and lay relaxed in the conveniently located beach chairs, hands touching. 

“Where are we?” Beverly asked after a while laying contentedly. 

“Belize”. He replied languidly. “I had the pleasure of visiting this beach years ago.”

“It is quite lovely.” She sighed “If given the option, I would never leave it”

Beverly moved over to JeanLuc, laying her head on his chest, absentmindedly raking her nails through the hair on his chest “I apologize for being such a big crybaby” she said sheepishly. “I don’t know why the thought of testifying terrifies me so”

“It is completely understandable that you don’t want to share these intimate details with others. I don’t find it odd. I find it reasonable” he rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. “But lets not think about that anymore for today” he leaned down and kissed her softly, but she wasn’t having it soft. She sat atop him, removed her bra, and kissed him hard, like she had been burning for him for weeks. He placed his hands on her behind and drew her up closer. Her breaths quickened. Her chest rose and fell rapidly. She wanted him so much. She felt like she could never be whole again until he was inside her. 

“Damn clothes” , she tore at his briefs. 

“Control yourself for just a moment. Gods we had sex this morning. Are you never satisfied?!”

“Are you” she removed her panties as quickly as possible while he removed his briefs. 

“No”

“Hypocrite” she teased as she eased herself down on him. “Mmmm” she moaned as she rose and fell. He called out her name- like a prayer whispered on the wind. She was being so rough - even rougher than usual.

“Slow down” he implored.

She kept her eyes closed. “I can’t. I can’t” as if she was driven by some internal force to destroy herself, to burn alive. 

JeanLuc held onto her. He could see that he was just along for the ride. She didn’t even see him, and as much as that hurt, he had vowed to be there for her. She came hard, as hard as she had been pushing, her body vibrating with her climax. She lay on top of him, panting, sweating, glowing in the aftermath. He pulled her hair around her neck, kissed her softly on her temple. 

“Better now?” He asked against her cheek. 

“Mmmmmm” she stayed there, and with him still inside her, fell asleep on his chest. He traced her spine with his fingertips, caressed her back, he was content to sit here with her on top of him. Being inside her felt like home. But he knew he would have to disentangle himself. Their time on the holodeck would elapse soon. 

He softly moved her off of himself, reached for her panties and tried to slide them on her. She murmured something in her sleep but didn’t wake. He put her shirt over her head and put her arms in. It was like dressing a sleeping child. She slumbered in his arms while he slowly dressed her. He admired the softness of her features when she was without cares. Then he laid her down and dressed himself. She was sleeping so soundly, he didn’t want to wake her. And after her assault he seemed to care less and less what the crew thought, so he picked her up and carried her from the holodeck to his quarters. 

They only passed one crew member on the way to his quarters. It was Deanna. She just nodded and smiled her approval and kept walking. He laid Beverly on the bed and slowly undressed her. He found one of her nightgowns in his drawer and quietly slid it over her head. He covered her softly, and kissed her forehead. She stirred. He could hear that she was murmuring his name “Jea-Lu” he could make out his name, but nothing else. He sat beside her on the bed, leaned over and kissed her softly on her half opened sweet lips. “Mmmm” she moaned in her sleep as if she had just tasted chocolate for the first time. She smiled and rolled over, back to sleeping soundly. 

He didn’t want to leave her. He stood looking down at her. He just wanted to take care of her, make love to her, hold her, and protect her from all harm. Yet he had been unable to protect her, on his own ship. His anger rose in his chest. “What kind of captain am I? Or what kind of lover for that matter?” He left the room and retrieved a bottle of whisky from his pantry. He poured himself a glass and gulped it quickly. He poured another glass and sat down on the couch. He nursed this one slowly while he mulled. He was so engrossed in thought that he didn’t hear Beverly rise, or walk into the room. 

“A penny for your thoughts” she said as she removed the tumbler from his hand and took a sip of the dark liquid. “Wow. The real stuff today?! You must be having some deep thoughts” she sat down next to him and looked at him quizzically. “Would you mind explaining to  
Me how the last thing I remember I was naked on the holodeck with you, and now I am in my nightie in your quarters?”

He smiled big “You are a very sound sleeper.”

“Do you mean to tell me that you carried me back here from the holodeck?! Please tell me I was dressed in something more than this!” 

“Calm yourself. You were fully dressed. I put all your clothes back on you and carried you back here. The only person who saw us was Deanna.” The smile never left his face “She seemed to approve.”

“Honestly what will people think?” She drained the glass and he poured another. She curled her legs up under herself and leaned against him. Suddenly serious “I’m sorry JeanLuc. I know I wasn’t seeing you when I was .... well when we were having sex. I cant call it making love because it didn’t really feel like that. I... I don’t know how to explain it”

“It seemed like you were just going to incinerate yourself, using me as the bonfire” he looked in her eyes. Then, he smiled naughtily “But I am always here if you need me to light your fire”. 

She slapped him playfully on the shoulder then was suddenly serious. “Thats probably the best description really. I felt like something was driving me. I couldn’t wait. I just had to....”

“It’s alrigh”. He interrupted her apology. “You don’t have to apologize”

She sighed “You are always so understanding. I feel like I haven’t been myself in weeks. Some days I expect you to just grab me and shake me! Tell me to straighten up.”

“I love you exactly as you are. You don’t have to be a particular way with me. We are, all of us, sometimes out of sorts. You’ve been through a trauma. And this tribunal is going to be another one. You are entitled to feel however you feel.” He continued. “What kind of man would I be without you. Im sure you would do fine if i wasn’t here. But without you I would be nothing”

Tears welled up quickly in her eyes “Don’t say that!” She buried her head in his chest “I would die if something happened to you. To be honest, I would likely take my own life” the tears rolled freely down her cheeks. 

“Beverly.”

“Hmmm?”

“Would you marry me?” 

“Yes JeanLuc”.


	4. LaBarre

Beverly didn’t want a big wedding. JeanLuc didn’t mind a small affair. They returned to earth and met with JeanLuc’s family at LaBarre. A small ceremony, with just family, also attended by Will and Deanna was held in the vineyard, and they honeymooned in the south of France. All through the honeymoon, in the back of Beverly’s mind was the thought of the court-martial panel which was to convene the next week. She had made her peace with testifying in front of the panel. It wouldn’t take long to explain what happened, after all, the entire assault happened in less than a minute. It amazed her that one minute of her life could have such an impact. 

They were laying on the beach, soaking up rays, though Beverly knew she couldn’t stay out in the sun for too long. Her skin would pay the price for a long session on the beach. The sun felt so warm, though. It was a welcome change from the ambient temperatures on the Enterprise. She had bought a special white eyelet lace string bikini just for this outing. When she looked up at JeanLuc, she could see that he appreciated the effort. He reached over to her and he ran his fingers around the inside of the elastic band of her bottoms, where her pelvic bones peeked out. She felt her nipples harden immediately despite the warmth. “Damn him” she thought. One touch and she was on fire. She wondered if she would forever feel this way when he touched her. 

“You are so lovely, my dear.” He said softly. “Will you tell me what you have been thinking about over there.”

“Honestly?”

“Yes.” 

“I was thinking about the court martial panel that will be convening next week” she said seriously. 

“That’s a shame. I was hoping you were thinking about me naked”... he smiled. 

“Well I’m always thinking about that.” She joked back. “But the court-martial has been on my mind. I’ve tried to go over my testimony, how exactly to express what happened. Sometimes it seems like the whole event is a jumble” 

“Sometimes I think the mind purposely blocks out memories that are traumatic. Makes it so that we can’t make sense of them. Its a defense mechanism, I would imagine” JeanLuc pondered out loud.

“Yes” she agreed “often after a trauma patients wont remember parts of the event.” 

“Um, Beverly.” He started gingerly to ask a question that he really didn’t want to know the answer to. “Does Wesley know about what happened?”

“No, dear gods no. I couldn’t bear to tell him by phone. And I haven’t seen him in person until yesterday. I guess I should tell him. He will probably find out by the starfleet grapevine anyway once the court martial starts.”

“Would you prefer I tell him?” He offered. “I don’t know if its my place, or not. But as your husband I am bound to protect your honor and to defend you in any matters that may arise. If this is a difficult conversation for you to have, I can have the conversation with him”

“Oh, would you?? It would probably be better if he heard it from you. I would likely cry, and just make myself seem hysterical.”

 

****  
The next day they returned to LaBarre, where Wesley had been spending time with his uncle and cousins. After all the hugging an reuniting, JeanLuc pulled Wesley to the side. “I need to talk to you about something.” They walked a few paces into the vineyard. 

“I’m glad you asked to talk to me. I am worried. I haven’t seen mom in several months, and she is looking very thin and not as healthy as she looked when I last saw her. Is she sick?”

“In a manner of speaking.” JeanLuc found a bench and sat down. Wesley stood and paced, concerned about his mother. “You see a few months back there was an incident on the ship. Your mother was working in her sick bay office when a young ensign - who was much larger than her - came in and forced himself on her. Tore her uniform off and her underclothes and raped her.”

“How the hell did you let this happen on your ship!!!”

“I ask myself this question every day. She tried to message me but all I heard was “help” and then it cut off. I recognized her voice so I immediately transported to her medical office. The sight was horrific. I will spare you the details”

“NO. Tell me. I want to know”

“OK Wesley. I will tell you. Will you sit?” Wesley took a seat next to JeanLuc. “When I first materialized I just heard her screams. Then I looked to where the screams were coming from. The ensign had her laid over the desk, facedown - one hand trapped behind her back, and his other hand was holding her down at her shoulders. She was screaming and holding on to the desk with her left hand. But it was too late for me to do anything. He had half unzipped/half ripped off her uniform and her panties. And he was already raping her. I disabled him as quickly as I regained myself. But the damage was done.” Wesley was crying now - head in his hands. 

“I’m sorry son.” JeanLuc said as tenderly as he could. “This ensign had somehow breached security and gotten her access codes and also disabled the ambient sound system that would have alerted security to her screams. “

“Why didn’t she tell me!?”

“Well she didn’t want to tell you by phone. She wanted to see you in person. And she didn’t want to tell you on the wedding day, mar the happy event. There is a court-martial panel set to convene next week, so its foremost in her mind right now. Just be gentle with her. Don’t ask too many questions”

“Yes sir” Wesley walked over to his mother and gave her a warm tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m so sorry this happened to you.”

“JeanLuc explained it all to you?“ Wesley nodded. “Are you alright?”

“No,” Wesleys anger rose in his chest “I would like to get my hands around that ensign’s neck.”

“Don’t worry about that. Will Riker has been giving him a good going over periodically. I’ve worried that the man may not make it back to stand in his court martial proceedings.” She smiled - “It’s okay Wes. I will be okay. Don't worry about me.” 

He leaned in to hug her again. “I love you mom. I wish I had been there to protect you”  
“I love you too. But its not your job to protect me.” She said matter of factly. Wesley wandered off to find his cousins, and Marie and Robert went into the house. Beverly and JeanLuc were left alone in the vineyard. 

“Come dear, lets find a place to sit.” They happened upon an old swing, sturdy enough for them. This was certainly not the holodeck - it was full of bugs and dirt and flies. But it smelled real. JeanLuc gathered some rocks and made a circle, then he gathered up some twigs and some larger branches. He lit the fire and returned to the swing. They were both mesmerized by the fire, the smell, the flames, the light and shadows. JeanLuc had his arm around Beverly, and she had her legs curled up under herself and was leaning into him. He began to quote a poem “How shall I hold my soul that it may not be touching yours? How shall I lift it then above you to where other things are waiting. Ah, gladly would I lodge it all forgot with some lost thing the dark is isolating on some remote and silent spot that when your depths vibrate, is not itself vibrating. You and me - all that lights up on us though brings us together like a fiddle bow drawing one voice from two strings it glides along. Across what instrument have we been spanned? And what violinist holds us in his hand? Oh sweetest song”

When he looked down he saw that she had fully laid down and had her head in his lap. She had fallen asleep - as usual. “Sweet dreams, my love” he said softly and kissed the hair at her crown. He sat in the swing and kept a rhythm going wishing he had thought to bring a blanket out here for her. She would get cold no doubt. JeanLuc heard a swishing in the vineyard nearby and said “Hey - who’s there!?” It was Wes. JeanLuc asked for him to retrieve a blanket from the house, and he complied quickly. 

He laid it down on his mother, covering her from toe to neck. Then he looked at Picard “Do you think she is going to be okay? She seems so different than she was last time I saw her”

“Well, we don’t know how or if this trauma will affect her permanently. Sometimes things just take time to heal.”

“Is she okay - you know - with you?”

“What exactly are you asking? Relationship? Sexually? Work?” 

“I mean, sexually. I know often women will not want to be touched afterwards because it can cause flashbacks. Is she having that? I’m sorry I don't mean to pry.” 

“It’s okay. Ask what you need.” He started explaining “The first few weeks after the event, she was washing herself constantly, scrubbing down to the blood in some places. I was having to apply gels and lotions to prevent her from scarring herself. She never didn’t want me to touch her. She did have a period where she felt unworthy, didn’t think I wanted to be with her anymore. Those are all totally normal feelings also. She did have some pretty lucid and violent nightmares. Luckily, I was there when she woke up screaming and kicking.”

“So,.... you’ve been staying in her quarters”

“Yes. She was more comfortable there. And after the assault she didn’t really want to be left alone”

“Well, I’m glad you have been able to be there for her. She is too good for this to have happened to her.” Wesley walked off down the row of vines. 

“I agree” JeanLuc whispered. JeanLuc scooted down some so that he could recline a little on the swing, without disturbing Beverly. She was sound asleep. At this rate, they could sleep out here until morning. And, why not!? Since she was so soundly asleep he took the risk of lying next to her, and slipping her on top of him. He covered them both with the blanket, and though she stirred, she did not wake. He let his arms wrap around her as she held her hands together clasped across her chest. He pulled the blanket up right under her chin, making sure she was warm enough. He didn’t want her to get a chill. When he was settled and sure that she was sleeping soundly, he also fell into a deep contented sleep. 

He awoke to the suns rays hitting his face. Beverly was softly breathing in and out - it couldn’t be called a snore, but it was not silent. He looked at her delicate features. Those cheekbones, the perfectly shaped lips that looked just like a bow, beautiful eyes - how could God create something so beautiful? 

She woke up and looked right at him as this thought was crossing his mind. “What are you thinking Captain Picard?”

“Well I was thinking “Doctor Picard” about how beautiful you are, and wondering how it is possible that God could have created something so beautiful and delicate.”

“You and God.” She sneered “You know i wasn’t created by God but millennia of evolution.”

“Yes, yes, the pure scientist. Sorry.” He held up his hands in surrender. “I can even get in trouble for admiring your beauty. I’m going to have to be careful - this marriage thing is dangerous”’

They both laughed heartily. 

“But really, do you think things will change now that we are married??” 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean between us.”

“Oh.”JeanLuc thought for a minute. “I have no idea. I have never been married before.” 

“Well, lets try to not let it change us” she said finally. “Lets just be who we are and not try to change the other”

“I would not change a thing about you.” He thought carefully. “Though I may have to redecorate my quarters and relocate my valuables to a safe. That way you can throw whatever you find, and it will be cheap.” He grinned. 

“I wish I had something to throw right now.” She quipped “My hand is itching to throw something!”

He slapped her on her ass - “Straighten up!” 

“Yes sir” She mock saluted. “So is it morning? Did we sleep out here all night!?” She just realized they were on a swing in the vineyard. 

“Yes. You fell asleep. I couldn’t bear to wake you.”

“Thank you my dear,” she pulled herself up and kissed him sweetly. “I stink. And I need a bath.” She said as she started to stand up. “Would you like to join me as I soak in my own filth?“

“Well that’s an off putting invitation... but if you are inviting me to bathe with you, then yes I would love to”

The main house at LaBarre had a huge outdoor tub, in the middle of a courtyard, surrounded by shrubs and outer walls. JeanLuc had it filled, and had flowers from the garden plucked and the petals dropped into the water. He also ordered 3 liters of milk fresh from the neighbors cows and had that poured into the tub. He went into the house to retrieve Beverly. She was standing by the back door looking out on the courtyard, wearing only her silk robe. She was holding two big thick towels. “You ready?” She asked. 

“Yes, come my dear”. He divested her of her robe with a quick movement, then helped her step into the tub. He removed his own robe and stepped in as well. 

“Oh this is heavenly” she closed her eyes as she laid back into the warm water “is there actual milk in this water!?” 

“Yes. I had it brought over from the neighbors cows. Its supposed to be excellent for your skin.” 

“I often took milk baths on the farm. It really is decadent. But I’m surprised that you would procure real milk as much as you don't like the whole ‘animal byproduct’ issue.”

“I am only concerned with the welfare of the animals. These animals on the nearby ranch are well taken care of. I also eat cheese from that dairy farm.” 

“I wish you had saved me a glass to drink. Nothing is as good as real milk - especially fresh from the cow.”

They sat close, though the tub was large enough for them to sit at each end and not touch each other. But they wanted to be touching, all the time touching. He had his arm around her out of the tub. She had her legs crossed over his under the water. No matter where they were, they sat like this. On the couch, in the swing, in a chair. She liked to sit with her legs draped over his, and it gave her full access to lean into his chest. 

“We have to leave LaBarre tomorrow... I hate to leave” Beverly sounded melancholy. “Especially considering where I know we are going.”

“We will get through this together Bev” he tried to reassure her. “I will be right there with you. You can just talk to me, and ignore the other people. Then it will be just like telling me the story.” He had a bar of soap and a washcloth that he had brought out with him. He began to lather up the cloth and prepare to wash her. “Sit in front of me”. She complied quickly. He began to lather up her back, washing her with his hands - he seemed to always forego the washcloth. This gave him an opportunity to touch her everywhere with his bare hands. But the bath in LaBarre was different than what they were used to. So much room to swim around practically. He reached from behind her to wash her abdomen and breasts, and neck. Then she lifted one long leg at a time while he washed them. “Would you like to go through the statement that you have prepared?” 

“Ugh. And I was enjoying myself so much” she pouted. 

“We don't have to do it now. We can go over it tomorrow on the flight to starfleet.” He placated her gently. “Or you can just not prepare and be off the cuff - just tell it as you remember it, and if they ask you anything you don’t know just say “I can’t remember”. 

“Lets just relax in the tub then.” She leaned back against him and they rested in the tub until the water got chilly. 

He stood and retrieved the towels. He wrapped Beverly in her towel and patted her dry. He took the towel and held the robe for her to put on. Then he dried himself and found his robe. She leaned over and kissed him as they walked back towards the house. Little did they know that Wesley had watched this entire intimate scene from his perch on the rooftop of the main house. He was glad that at last his mother had a gentle and caring lover who would take care of her.


	5. Justice?!

JeanLuc and Beverly laid together in his bed, in his apartment at starfleet headquarters. The court martial proceedings would begin in the morning. She was naked against him save a pair of blue cotton panties. He had his arm around her, his hand languidly resting on her behind. Her mind was going over and over her testimony. She wondered what questions they may ask that she was not prepared for. She wondered what JeanLuc would say when he testified. She wanted desperately to think of something else. She reached behind herself and moved his hand under her panties. His hand glided against her sweet skin, caressing her softly. She began to move under his touch. 

“You were so lost in thought I imagined that you forgot I was even here.”

“Not possible” she murmured back. 

“Would you like me to take your mind off things for a while?” 

“Mmmm” she moaned her agreement. 

He pulled her up on top of him. He knew she loved being on top. He reached for her panties 

“No. Stop.” She said quickly “These are my favorite panties, please let me take them off, don’t rip them”

He laughed deeply. He hated waiting for her to undress. She laid down next to him and shimmied out of her panties then took her place back on top of him. She leaned over him, her fiery copper hair brushing his cheeks, and her breasts close enough to nip. He lifted his head and took one soft nipple in his mouth. It stiffened immediately under his tongue. She let out a sigh, and he took her by the waist, moved her over his erection. “Hmmm” no words would come. She groaned with pleasure as she lowered herself onto him. She rolled her hips expertly back and forth, JeanLuc thrusted into her following her rhythm. She reveled in his knowing touch. “I cant wait. Sit up” she commanded him softly. 

He complied, knowing he was also on the edge. He held her close, crushing her into him, his mouth found hers, and knowingly gave her admittance. She controlled this part, no matter what else went on during their lovemaking. When she came, it was always fierce, and involved serious mouth to mouth, tongue to tongue touch. She always apologized for requiring this, and for making him hold her so tightly afterwards. But she was a fierce woman, and knew what satisfied her momentarily. In the long game she never seemed to be sated. He could make love to her multiple times a day, and it never got old. He assumed this fire would eventually burn out. But he hoped it wouldn’t. The fire inside her was like the fiery locks on her head. 

****

They woke grudgingly the next morning, neither wanting to attend this court martial hearing. Beverly would be again traumatized, JeanLuc would have to live through his experience again - finding her wounded, not being able to protect her. There was a long day ahead. 

“What time is it?” She asked slowly

“Its 0600.”

“Damn. That means we have to get up. The panel convenes at 0830 right?”

“Correct” he kissed her forehead and reassured her. “It will be okay Beverly. You will see. You are strong and you can do this.”

She sighed “I guess we need a shower huh?” She eyed him naughtily. 

“I am not going to make love to you this morning.” He said matter of factly - she was disappointed. 

“Why on earth not?!” 

“Because you need to focus” he replied. “You need to think about your testimony, and what will transpire at the hearing” 

“Oh okay, killjoy” she got up out of the bed and made her way to the shower. JeanLuc followed close behind. “Wait - I thought you said no funny business” 

“I didn’t say I didn’t need a shower” he grinned. 

“I see” - she disrobed quickly and entered the shower, turning the spray as hot at it would go. 

“Egads this water is hot.” He exclaimed as he entered the shower. 

“Well you know what they say - if you can’t take the heat...”

“I can take the heat” he pulled her into his arms, and kissed her softly as the shower rained down upon them. She hugged him tightly. 

“Promise you will stay with me all through the hearing” 

“Of course, my dear” he reassured her “I wont leave you.”

They made quick work of showering, getting dressed and making their way out of the apartment. As they navigated through the starfleet headquarters and found the right room, JeanLuc guided her with his hand on her waist. He never lost contact with her - he knew she needed his constant touch to ground her. It was not often he felt so needed by her. Through all of their years together she had been so independent. But now he could feel her need, as if it emanated through her skin. 

They entered the room where the panel was convening. Beverly was relieved to see that it was a small group - only 12 officers. Ensign Hayes sat on one side of the room, and a chair was reserved for her and JeanLuc on the other side. She held her shoulders back, and her chin high. She would not be humiliated by this man again. She disengaged from JeanLuc’s touch, much to his surprise. But when he saw her posture, he knew she needed to show strength. After all, she would have to be able to hold her head up among these officers at a later date. She couldn’t enter this hearing cowering and hiding from a criminal. 

They took their seats, and the panel convened. When Beverly was questioned, she was surprised and taken aback at the adversarial nature of the hearing. It was if she was on trial, and not the man who assaulted her. Every motivation, every nuance of her speech, every action she had taken that day was scrutinized and questioned. By the time she was done with her testimony she felt like she had been beaten. She returned to her seat next to JeanLuc, visibly shaking - well maybe not visible to everyone, but JeanLuc could certainly see it. A recess was called and afterward JeanLuc would testify to what he had seen. They went to the small cafe across from the hearing room and had a cup of tea. Beverly was still quite shaken. 

“I never imagined this is how this panel would go. Why on earth does it make a difference to them if I was wearing my lab coat or not!? I didn’t choose the way the starfleet uniforms fit. These uniforms are assigned to us all. They almost seem as if they insinuate that because I wasn’t wearing my lab coat I was asking for it. I was in my office, alone!” 

“I was taken aback as well. Especially when they asked you how many lovers you had been with aboard the Enterprise. That was completely uncalled for and unrelated to this event” JeanLuc held his head in his hands. He wondered what they would ask him. 

“I don’t know if I can go back in there.” She sighed and took his hand. 

“It will be okay. Your testimony is over. Now its my turn to talk” he tried to reassure her, tracing circles on her hand with his thumb. “You said you have only had two lovers aboard the Enterprise, correct?” 

“Yes. You, and Odan.” 

“Right. Of course. I suppose Ronin doesn’t count.”

She shivered “Ronin was not my lover. And he was not aboard the Enterprise.” 

“Yes, quite right” he agreed “I just want to make sure I have my story straight” 

“Do you think they will question you about my sexual history?” She was mildly horrified.

“I want to be prepared for anything.” He answered. “They could ask me that. I certainly didn’t expect them to ask you about that. It seems irrelevant.”

“I guess they are just trying to say that I’m some sort of whore who sleeps with all the men on the ship, so Ensign Hayes just assumed I was into it”

“O Beverly, such language.” He was shocked “I cannot even associate that word with you” She was right though. That is exactly how she was being treated. “Is this really the 24th century? I thought for sure blaming the woman for an assault on her was in the past”

“Indeed” was all she said. 

They returned to the hearing room after the recess had concluded. JeanLuc took the stand. He was questioned unmercifully about his relationship with Beverly, her history aboard his ship, his friendship with Jack and Jack’s untimely death. He was asked about his knowledge of her sexual history aboard his ship and her service as CMO. All in all she thought he did a much better job of defending her than she did of defending herself. He was released from the stand and returned to Beverly’s side. 

Then it was Ensign Hayes’ turn to take the stand. Beverly couldn’t imagine what he might say.  
He waxed poetic about how he had a crush on her since he first came aboard the ship and how she smiled coyly at him and joked with him all the time. She was incensed. She had a bedside manner that was light and joking to put her patients at ease. It was certainly not flirty. She didn’t show any sexual interest in any of her patients. Most everyone on board the starship knew that she was intimately involved with JeanLuc and very devoted to him. This testimony was completely fabricated. 

At the end of Hayes’ testimony there was a short recess for the panel to make their decision. It certainly didn’t look good for Beverly. She was furious, as was JeanLuc. They waited patiently, silently, during this recess. They sat on the bench outside the room where the panel was convened, hoping a decision would be made swiftly. Beverly’s insides quivered when she thought that perhaps this man wouldn’t be punished at all. Could it be that he would be returned to the Enterprise after all, and she would have to work on the same ship he was serving on? 

When the verdict was in, they were called back into the hearing room. The panel pronounced Hayes not guilty and denied the request for a court martial. Beverly turned to JeanLuc and put her arm around him. He was as shocked as she was. 

JeanLuc spoke up “I respectfully request that Ensign Hayes be transferred to another ship” 

“Request granted”

Well at least that was something. Beverly clung to him, now not caring what anyone else thought. She was crying, could barely hold herself up. She felt that her knees would buckle at any moment. JeanLuc sat down with her. He held her and whispered into her ear “It’s okay my love. He will be gone from the ship. You wont have to see him anymore. You can feel safe. I will never let anything happen to you again - even if I have to spend all my time with you in sickbay”. 

She snorted - “Planning on having some medical training are you?” JeanLuc was a captain, and as loving as he had been to her, she couldn’t imagine him as a nurse. 

Ensign Hayes and most of the panel had left the room when Beverly and JeanLuc stood to leave. When Beverly stood, she swayed, and though he caught her, she fainted dead away into his arms. The next thing she knew she was waking up in Starfleet sick bay. 

“Damn, what happened” she looked up at JeanLuc who was holding her hand and looking worriedly at her. 

“You fainted.” He had a look of absolute terror on his face “After the hearing, you fainted. I have never seen you faint.”

The doctor came into the room and spoke quietly “Dr Crusher, can I speak to you privately?”

“It’s Dr Picard”. She corrected. “JeanLuc can hear anything you have to say to me”

“The news is delicate. Perhaps you should hear privately.” He continued

“No its fine.” She said again. 

“If you insist.” 

JeanLuc stood stricken, frozen to the floor. What news could be so bad that her husband couldn’t hear it?

“Very well” the doctor said, obviously irritated “We ran some tests to see what caused you to faint. I thought perhaps it was just shock from the hearing, or something of that nature. But it turns out you are pregnant” 

She was shocked into silence. 

JeanLuc spoke up “How far along?” 

“About six weeks” the doctor answered matter of factly. “I will leave you two alone”. 

Beverly looked up at JeanLuc, she was sobbing “I’m so sorry.” He could barely understand her through the tears.

“Why are you sorry?!” He said, fairly exasperated. He reached over and hugged her to him. He sat next to her on the bed. “You are carrying my child. What is there to be sorry about!?” 

“Is it yours?” She sobbed still. 

“Of course. The doctor said you are only six weeks. The assault happened at least 12 weeks ago.” 

“Oh.” Apparently she had lost track of time. The assault seemed like just yesterday. “Then, are you happy about this?” 

“My dear, nothing on earth would make me happier than I am right now” he kissed her fingers, her palm, the crook of her elbow, the hollow of her neck. 

“Ahem” the doctor had returned. “You are free to go whenever you feel up to it”. 

“Yes. Thank you doctor,” she said quickly, hopping out of the bed, and into JeanLuc’s arms. He was so surprised he almost didn’t catch her. It was a rare occurrence for her to hop into his arms like that. He liked it. 

The doctor left the room, nonplussed. 

JeanLuc kissed Beverly soundly then stood her up on her own feet. “I don’t plan on carrying you through the halls of Starfleet. But I will carry you across the threshold when we get to the apartment” he smiled. She was glowing. The bad news of the court-martial hearing had been overshadowed by the news of her pregnancy. Beverly secretly wished that she would have a girl. She thought of nappies and onesies and bows and frilly dresses.

“We will have to start thinking of a name” she said as they walked through the halls and navigated back to the apartment. 

“Don’t you think its a little early for that?” He smiled good naturedly “We don’t even know if its a boy or a girl”

“Well generally couples will choose a name for a boy and a name for a girl. Then whichever is born they give it that name”

“Hmm.. I will have to think seriously about this.” He kissed her temple. When they got to the threshold, he lifted her up in his arms and carried her across. He kicked the door closed with his foot and kissed her softly, as he stood her on her feet.

“Will you make love to me now?” She smiled her sweet smile. 

“But I wanted to talk about baby names!” He grinned back as he kissed her again. They walked into the bedroom, holding hands. She took off his jacket and removed his shirt. He ran his hands through her hair, kissing her crown, her forehead, her neck. “Oh, my love” he murmured into her hair. She removed her own jacket, kicked off her shoes and shimmied out of her pants. “I can’t believe you are going to bear my child.” He ran his hand down to the elastic of her panties, and traced along the top of them with his finger. He stopped right below her navel, and laid his hand there. “Our child.” He kneeled down and kissed her stomach, and ran his hands to her behind. Her body reacted without thought, moving her hips closer to him. He teased, pulling her panties down inch by inch, kissing her slowly down to the fiery curls between her legs. Her knees buckled and she was kneeling next to him, kissing him, wanting him, aching for him. They never even made it to the bed. He ravished her right there on the floor. Afterwards, when they lay spent, sweating and panting, he said “Lets take a bath.” 

“That sounds lovely.” 

They both got in the tub, Beverly’s back to him, sitting between his legs. “This tub is much smaller than the one in LaBarre” she said. 

“Yes. Are you crowded?” 

“Not at all.” 

“You know what name I like for a girl?” He kissed her neck from behind. 

“Don’t say Beverly.”

“Well I do love that name. But I think that could be confusing.” 

“Quite.” She agreed “One Beverly Picard aboard the Enterprise is more than enough don’t you think?” 

“There will only ever be one Beverly Picard, my dear. And that is you” he ran his hands over her shoulders, and continued. “I have always liked the name Priscilla”.

“Blech!” She responded. “Seriously!? That’s such an old name.”

“Its classic” he defended himself. 

“Maybe for a middle name.” She compromised. “I can’t imagine calling my child Priscilla” 

“Okay then” he enjoyed verbal sparring with her “what did you have in mind for a girl?”

“I was thinking of Amelia, or Mia” she said softly. 

“Perhaps we will have a son.” He pondered. “What name do you like for a boy?” 

“Well, I hope we have a girl.” She said honestly “But for a boy I like the name Cameron” 

“Very WASPy names for someone living aboard a starship and traveling to other galaxies” he teased. “What about Kathryn? Amelia Kathryn.”

“That has a lovely ring to it.” She smiled “We will put that one on the short list”


	6. Happiness

Beverly spent the next several months busying herself with preparations for the baby. She and JeanLuc took another room into his quarters and made it into a nursery. She hardly noticed as the time passed and her belly grew larger and larger. Sometime along the seventh month she noticed herself getting out of breath more easily- begging JeanLuc to rub her feet more often. Of course he didn’t mind. The excitement of becoming a father was as real to him as Beverly’s belly. He loved to hold his hand on her stomach and feel the little girl kick inside her. 

“Perhaps she is going to be a dancer like her mother.” He smiled while sitting on the couch next to Beverly, nuzzling her neck “She is practicing for the kick line”

“Or maybe she would rather play soccer” Beverly’s sassy retort. 

“Well whatever she does I am willing to bet she will be beautiful and brilliant like you are!” He leaned over and kissed her stomach as he continued to rub it like a lamp. 

“You know a genie isn’t about to pop out and give you three wishes right? No matter how much you rub.” She laughed a carefree laugh. She was tired but she was also very happy.

“There is nothing I could even wish for.” He kissed her softly “I have everything I could want right here”

JeanLuc recognized her soft sigh. It seemed so wrong to him to be aroused by someone in her delicate condition. She laid her head down in his lap and stretched out on the couch looking up at him. He let his hand rest on her stomach. Her short gown was even shorter now that her burgeoning stomach took up some of its length. It barely covered her panties as she lay down like this. JeanLuc was distracted beyond belief by the sight of her legs peeking out from under it. She was watching him intently. The desire showed in his eyes. She took his hand and guided it down between her legs. 

“Mmnnn” she moaned softly, as she moved her body up to his hand. 

His erection was immediate. That sound from her was all he needed to hear to be ready. He continued stroking her softly, and she moved under his touch, purring. 

“JeanLuc?”

“Yes my love?”

“Will you take me to bed now?” She asked, pleaded. 

“Yes, my love” he said again- this time not a question. They stood and walked into the bedroom holding hands and leaning into each other. Beverly glowed, and JeanLuc was amazed that at seven months pregnant she was as beautiful to him as she had ever been. Beverly over forty and pregnant was more beautiful than the 18 year old cadet he had met years ago. “Will you only ever get more beautiful? As I continue to get more bald?” He laughed as he planted a sweet kiss on her cheek. 

“You are crazy!” She said amazed at how he still looked at her “Look at this fat belly. That is still beautiful to you?” 

“Thats not fat!” He reprimanded “That is our child growing in you”

“It still feels fat” she laughed self deprecating. “But what you are seeing is just the manifestation of your own virility. Perhaps that is why you are still attracted to me, even with the belly.”

“You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen Bev. Pregnant or not” 

“Oh yeah,” she cocked her head to the side - “What about Vash, or Nella?” 

“That is ancient history” he said gruffly. “And neither of them even compared to you. I never would have shown any interest in them if I had known you wanted me”.

Beverly removed her gown quickly along with her panties and got in the bed. JeanLuc followed suit and slid in next to her. “Are you sure that this is okay?” He asked carefully. “It seems wrong somehow”

“Wrong to make love to your wife?” 

“My seven months pregnant wife”

“So are you saying we aren’t going to have sex for the next two months?!?!” She was irritated with him. “That is completely unacceptable, and totally unnecessary. I have already told you that sexual activity during pregnancy is perfectly healthy, though I have to admit the mechanics are a little more difficult with this big belly in the way” she rubbed her stomach and smiled. “I will be so glad when I can hold her in my arms.... and when my stomach is flat again” 

“I was thinking maybe after she is born you will be a little mushy in the middle for a while.”

“Ha!” She exclaimed. “Not if I can help it. These starfleet uniforms do not look good on someone mushy in the middle!”

He laughed at her thought process. “Such vanity my dear” he quipped. “I never realized you were vain.”

“Well its not really vanity to want to look nice. You like it when I look nice” she smiled up at him. 

“I like it no matter how you look” he responded quickly. 

He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her long and passionately. “Beverly” he called her name, full of need. 

“Yes?” she was breathless and wet. She just wanted him inside her. 

“You are so beautiful. Will you really always be mine?” His voice was full of desire and longing. 

“I made a promise to you. I promised to be with you until death. That is what I intend to do. And I hope that is a good 50 years down the road.” 

“Fifty years with you- that would be heavenly” he buried his head in her hair and breathed in her scent. He growled with yearning. He maneuvered into the most comfortable position, she spread her legs for him to find his place. She moved, rising up to meet him, wanting him to enter her, her body begging for him to fill her. He obliged quickly, moving in slowly. He was still worried about hurting her or the baby. He assumed since she was a doctor she knew what she was talking about when it came to safety, but he still wanted to be gentle. He thrusted slowly and tenderly, bringing her to the edge softly. She had never been made love to this way. There was always so much passion, so much fire, that they were fast and hard and didn't last a long time. Perhaps this is the languid lovemaking that comes after being together for a while. Beverly was moved to tears by his gentle touch. He stopped abruptly “Are you crying? Am I hurting you?”

“No” she reassured him “Don’t stop”. 

He continued his slow pace until he was near the edge himself. He could feel her tightening around him. He quickened his thrusts and as she called out his name in her sweet whisper his climax exploded through him. 

She lay there quietly, tears flowing from her eyes. JeanLuc couldn’t understand her tears, but he had learned long ago that there were many reasons for tears from her. She didn’t only cry when she was sad. She cried when she was happy, thankful, simply touched by a gesture or remembering things from the past. He didn’t know why she was crying this time, but decided not to ask. He simply kissed her softly over and over and held her close to him. He noticed her breasts had gotten larger, and marveled at her body’s preparations to give birth. He vowed not to be jealous when those breasts were no longer only for him. He imagined what her milk would taste like, dreamed of suckling at her breast again after the child was born. Then he chided himself for such thoughts. What kind of father imagines these things?! 

“What are you thinking about?” She eyed him quizzically. 

“Oh, nothing” he reddened, embarrassed to be caught in these thoughts. 

“Don’t lie. I can tell when your mind is working” she nipped at his throat. “You can tell me anything. You don’t have to be embarrassed”

“I’m a fool.” 

“Oh yeah? Why is that? You don’t seem like a fool at all to me. You are a loving husband and stepfather, soon to be father, and a very respected captain of the finest ship in Starfleet. What part of that makes you a fool?” She propped herself up on her elbow, and looked down into his hazel eyes. 

“How much I love you” and one tear made its way down his cheek. 

“Oh that doesn’t make you a fool!” She smiled down at him “That makes you a very smart man!”

He laughed at her candor. “Modesty becomes you Dr Picard”

She laid back and laughed. “Well if you are a fool, then so am I.” 

*******

Several weeks later Beverly began feeling the telltale signs that the time was coming for Amelia to be born. She put the final touches on the nursery, made sure she had all the things she would need. JeanLuc laughed at her as she fussed over every detail. She considered the placement of all of the furniture again, making sure it was all laid out in the most efficient way. She prepared a basket to put next to the couch full of nappies and onesies, burpcloths and lotion... all of the things she might need for a diaper change, or any sort of mess. She moved the bassinet into their room, placing it on her side of the bed, so she could sleep while still  
having her hand on the baby. She was a fiercely protective mother and JeanLuc pitied anyone who might tangle with her. 

“Surely its early to put the bassinet in here.” He said

“Well i want to be accustomed to it in here so if I wake in the night after the baby is born I wont fall over it or something”

“Good forward thinking my dear.” He realized she had done all of this before and knew what she would need much better than he did. 

A few days after she had finalized all the preparations she began feeling the pains of labor. She was in her office - determined that she would work until the very last day. She tried to continue through the early pains. They didn't hurt that bad, and were fairly far between. She knew this stage of labor could last a while, so she just took her mind off of it and tried to finish up the things she needed to get done before she left on her maternity leave. When her contractions began to get more painful and more frequent, she decided she probably should go back to her quarters. The next contraction that hit completely took her breath. She groaned through the pain until it had finished. 

She tapped her communicator “Deanna could you meet me in my quarters.” The captain was on the bridge. He heard the call, Beverly was breathless. He knew something was amiss. 

“I will accompany you counselor” he said quickly. All heads on the bridge turned to him. “Number One, you have the bridge”

“Yes sir”

Deanna and JeanLuc moved to the turbolift and made their way to the captains quarters. He began wringing his hands on the ride.

“O don’t start that already.” She rolled her eyes “You are going to have to get ahold of yourself if you are going to be able to help Beverly through this birth process”

“Yes, of course” he held his hands still at his sides. 

Beverly was making her way from sick bay to her quarters when she was hit with another contraction. No one was around so she kneeled on the ground and let this contraction have its way. She cried out in pain, and began to wish she had left the office sooner. After it passed she stood up and continued to the room. She was having a hard time making it through the pain. Then she suddenly felt a wet sensation between her legs. “Damn” she said beneath her breath. She leaned against the wall when she realized that her waters had broken and tried to catch her breath. That was a mess someone would have to clean up. 

JeanLuc and Deanna arrived in captains quarters and were surprised to find Beverly not there. They knew the path she would take from sickbay to this room so they trekked through the halls. They found her halfway to the quarters, leaning against the wall panting. 

Deanna had witnessed many births so she was not shocked at Beverly’s demeanor. The captain however was terrified. The look of absolute helplessness on his face made Beverly laugh. “JeanLuc don’t worry. I have done this before, remember?” She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. “I will be fine, just help me get back to our quarters.”

JeanLuc and Deanna each took a side, holding her on their shoulders and letting her walk between them until they got to the room. She sat down quickly on the couch. 

Deanna quickly questioned her “Are you sure you want to give birth here? If you have changed your mind I can have the nurse set up a private birthing room in sickbay for you”

Beverly shook her head “I want to have her here.”

JeanLuc was all at sea. He had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. He should have read some of Beverly’s medical books about childbirth. He cursed himself for being so unprepared.

Beverly looked at him and smiled. “You have got to calm yourself. You don’t have to do anything except hold my hand, okay? I will do all the work, and Deanna will catch her. Its not a really complicated process. People have been doing this for years”

“Shouldn’t we have a nurse here in case something goes wrong?” He asked. 

“No. Deanna knows what to do.”

“Yes captain, all of the preparations have been made” she went to the nursery and retrieved a bag full of all the things she would need for the labor and delivery period. 

“JeanLuc will you draw me a warm bath?” Beverly requested

“Yes of course” he exited to the washroom to comply with her request.

“He is going to be a handful” Deanna laughed. “Of all the people to be such a nervous first time father” she looked over at her friend “But you are rather pale”. She lifted up Beverly’s chin and looked into her eyes and felt her forehead. “How do you feel?”

“I feel like things are about to get much worse”

“Indeed” was all that Deanna said in response. 

JeanLuc returned to the room. “The bath is ready.”

Beverly stood up and walked towards the washroom. “Will you come sit with me while I soak?” She took his hand and lead him into the washroom. Deanna smiled to herself. She was so happy for Beverly and JeanLuc. They had waited so many years to be together. Having a child seemed like the natural next step, though she worried about Beverly’s delivery. Delivery in your forties is not as easy as in your twenties. But Deanna was prepared for every contingency. 

JeanLuc sat on the side of the tub while Beverly laid back and tried to relax. He pulled one of her legs out of the water and began to massage her foot. He traded and massaged the other leg and foot. He held one hand out of the water and massaged her hand and down her arm. He took over the other arm and did the same to it. He moved over to the back of the tub and rubbed her neck and shoulders. She enjoyed the massage, but periodically leaned over and winced and groaned. She tried to be as quiet as she could, because she knew JeanLuc was worried. Deanna stuck her head in the room. “Hey Bev, how are you doing?״

“I’m not sure. I think it maybe getting close to time.” She pulled herself up and got out of the tub. She dried herself off quickly and found a gown that was medium length and comfortable but would allow for some stretching. She thought to herself “I hope I am not to old to do this”

She waddled over to the bed, holding her stomach as she walked. “Come on Mia” she said to her stomach “Be a good girl and come out easy”. She laid down on the bed while Deanna explained to the captain what he should expect to happen in the next few hours. He looked stricken, terrified. 

“I guess I should have been talking to you about what to expect over the last few weeks. I’m sorry my dear I imagine you are feeling a bit overwhelmed.”

He shook his head, cleared his throat. “No I’m fine. You just worry about yourself. But lets just say its a good thing our brains aren’t attached now!” And she smiled a knowing smile. She could imagine what he must be feeling. 

She suddenly stopped talking, grabbed the sheets with both hands and gritted her teeth. 

“Bev you have to breathe through the pain” Deanna gently reminded her. “Holding your breath doesn't help.”

Beverly nodded, started breathing slowly, trying to relax herself. JeanLuc took her hand. He breathed with her. Throughout all of the contractions, he stood by her, holding her hand. He brought a damp rag and wiped her face and chest when she was wet with sweat. He couldn’t imagine how she was doing this. He found when she clenched her teeth he clenched his. He breathed when she breathed, stopped when she stopped, winced when she cried out. 

Deanna came in the room again and put her hand between Beverly’s legs. JeanLuc wasn’t quite sure what she was doing, but assumed it must be part of the normal process. Deanna said softly “Okay, ts time to start pushing”

Beverly was so tired already. She had been going through this for hours. “How much longer does she have to do this?!” JeanLuc asked in a desperate voice. 

“Well that all depends on Mia” Deanna quipped. 

JeanLuc leaned over and kissed Beverly’s stomach which was tight with a contraction “Come on baby girl, be good to your mother”

Beverly moved herself into a half sitting position. “JeanLuc you have to hold me up. Come sit behind me and keep me up.” He followed her instructions. Deanna laid her hand on Beverly’s stomach, and then pushed her legs up. JeanLuc was amazed that she could lay in this position. 

“Okay Bev when you feel the next contraction start pushing”

Beverly bore down, grabbed the backs of her own knees and pulled them further up bent herself forward and pushed. She stifled a scream. JeanLuc shook with terror but he held onto her. She laid back, breathing heavily. JeanLuc found himself releasing his breath too. He wasn’t aware that he was holding it. He kissed her temple, whispered encouragement to her “You can do this Bev.” Before she was able to catch her breath another contraction had hit and Deanna was demanding that she push. After a few more times JeanLuc was annoyed. “Can’t you let her rest until she can at least catch her breath?!” He barked at Deanna. 

“I’m not controlling the time, captain, her body is telling her when to push.” Deanna was nonplussed. This certainly wasn’t the first time a man had gotten irritated or overprotective during labor. 

“JeanLuc be quiet” was all Beverly said “If you don’t settle down I will make you leave.” At this he fell silent. A few more pushes and Beverly was screaming in pain. She wasn’t stifling the screams anymore. 

“She’s almost here. A few more pushes and you will be holding her in your arms.” Deanna patted her leg and encouraged her to keep on. JeanLuc marveled at the friendship and trust between the two women. He couldn’t imagine himself giving birth and Will Riker standing between his legs and patting him so intimately. He chuckled at the thought, then quickly stifled the laugh. This was no time for laughing. Beverly scowled up at him. 

“I’m sorry dear.” He took the rag and wiped her neck and chest and procured a chip of ice that she gladly received. 

She leaned up again and he pushed her into position, she grabbed her legs and pushed hard, grunting and panting with the effort. 

“Keep pushing, keep pushing”- Deanna encouraged “Oh shes coming Bev” Beverly cried out but kept pushing “Here she is, head - keep on” JeanLuc watched as she bent herself in half and he held her in that position to help her maintain- she pushed and screamed “Shoulders are out” JeanLuc looked over to where Deanna sat and saw his baby girl coming out- Beverly laid back panting. He let her lay down further than usual. He stood from The bed and went down to where his baby girl was squirming in Deannas arms. Deanna was washing her with a wet rag, and wrapping her up. There was a long dark cord that was still attached to her that lead back into Beverly somehow. 

“What is going to happen with this?!” He pointed to the cord. 

“Give it a few minutes and we will cut that.” Deanna laughed as the captain looked down curiously at the little girl in her own arms. She wrapped the baby up and handed her to Beverly, who, although very quiet, was watching and waiting for little Mia to be given to her. Mia was crying quietly. Though she was screaming with all she had, her face red with exertion, it was still a quiet sound. Beverly laid Mia on her chest and held onto her fiercely. Mia rooted around until she found Beverly’s breast. Beverly directed her up and held out her nipple for Mia to grasp onto. When Little Mia took hold and began to suck in earnest she quieted. JeanLuc watched this in awe. Beverly could say what she wanted about this being a simple medical procedure, what he had just witnessed was a miracle. Beverly looked up at him and smiled, a weary but very happy smile. He took her free hand and leaned over and kissed her sweet lips. 

“You are the most amazing woman I have ever known.” He drew her hand to his lips, tears brimming over. She smiled and closed her eyes. 

“Captain are you going to cut the cord?” Deanna held the scissors out to him. She directed him where to cut. He didn’t really know what he was doing but cut where Deanna said. 

“I can never thank you enough Deanna” he hugged her tightly. “You took care of her. You did such a good job” his smile was warm. He had never felt this happy. 

“Well we aren’t quite done. Why don’t you take Mia and go in the other room. Beverly and I will finish up here” 

He took the little bundle that Beverly gave him. She was quiet and wrapped tightly. He held her tight to his chest and carried her into the nursery. 

Beverly looked down at Deanna -“Did I tear very much?” She asked quickly “By the way good thinking sending JeanLuc away for this part” she laughed softly “I wondered if he was going to make it through the delivery”

Deanna laughed with her “He was pretty pale but I thought he did a great job.”

When she quieted she could hear him in the other room humming. She smiled a watery, contented smile. 

Deanna took care of all of the post birth complications and stood up. She walked up and sat down next to Beverly on the bed. “You are a trooper. You did such a great job”. She hugged her friend tightly and gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek. “I love you. And I am so happy for you and the captain” tears were threatening, and one slipped over her eyelid and down her cheek. 

“Oh Deanna, don’t cry.” It was an odd occurrence for Deanna to cry. Beverly held her tightly “I love you too. Thank you for doing this.” She kissed Deannas cheek and hugged her again, her own tears slowly flowing now. 

Deanna stood up and stretched. “Okay. Now. What is the most important thing for you to do now?” Deanna quizzed her friend. 

“Eat something healthy and get lots of rest for the next few days” Beverly answered dutifully. 

“I will leave you two alone now” she took her bag and left the room, bidding the captain farewell as she passed by the open door of the nursery. The captain was walking slowly back and forth, periodically leaning over to kiss the baby’s sweet little cheeks, and marveling at all of her little fingers. 

“Deanna wait” he walked quickly out of the nursery to where she was standing “Did you look at how beautiful she is?!!” Deanna smiled “Look she has Beverly’s red hair!” There certainly was a reddish tint to the soft hair. And she had quite a bit of hair for a newborn. 

“Yes captain” Deanna answered sincerely. “She is the most beautiful baby I have ever delivered”. The captain laughed exultantly and carried the baby to where Beverly was lying quietly. She was asleep. He didn’t want to bother her, but he wanted to be close to her.

He laid Mia in the bassinet, covered her with one of the many blankets lying around, and went around and slid into bed with Beverly. She stirred and he took her into his arms. He kissed her temple and held her, whispering his love and devotion to her, and realizing he was the luckiest man in the universe.


End file.
